That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
