Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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