i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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