Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
