somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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