if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
