Your tits are I can't wait for
I need help removing her.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
