I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
