I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
