I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We got so high we made milksteak
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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