hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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