Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
