Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
