Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
