three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
