Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
