Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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