bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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