i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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