I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I have fence marks all over my body
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
