there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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