ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
