I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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