You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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