i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
