I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
