My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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