Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
