Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
