Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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