I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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