you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
being pregnant is like rehab
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
