ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
