Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
