she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
