can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
When are your genitals available?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
