I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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