He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
