I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
