I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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