So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
