you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
