im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
