There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
