it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
PANTIES FOUND
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