I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
