I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
