That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
