There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
