Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
