i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just invented taco cereal.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I think I sprained my soul last night
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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