Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
