forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Randomize
