i already hear my dad disowning me
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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